Hi, Im Ashley (: (@lovaticxxash) — Christian❤️
I haven’t used Instagram in a while.. and this post is a few months late.. but Imma post it anyways cause it’s a huge accomplishment of mine👍🏼 - So as a lot of you know.. I’ve struggled with mental illness from a young age. Most of you know me from middle school as the girl who was always with the counselor.. who sat alone at lunch or ate with the teachers.. the “girl with problems”. In middle school I was hospitalized for the first time for my mental health. From then on.. it was hospital after hospital. - During high school.. I missed a total of 9-12 months of school due to being in treatment. My sophomore year of high school was one of my lowest points.. physically and mentally. September 2016.. I had been admitted inpatient for anorexia. I was placed on bed rest. I was only to leave my bed if I was in a wheel chair. I couldn’t walk without my legs collapsing or fainting. I had an ng-tube (feeding tube) placed because I was acutely malnourished. Blood draws every morning.. getting blood sugar.. blood pressure.. and all these other things checked 4-6 times daily for months because all of my levels were severely low. I was losing my hair in handfuls every day. I was dying. I was dying and I didn’t realize it at the time. - Fast forward a two years.. I am not recovered. I am not healthy. I still struggle every day to be happy and to love myself. I still struggle to eat and cope with my disorders.. but the important thing is that I am slowly moving in the right direction. This past July I completed high school and was able to receive my diploma.. something I never thought I’d live to see. Not only did I graduate high school.. but I graduated a year early 🎉 No senior year for me 😊 I may not have worn a cap and gown or walk the stage with everyone.. but I still graduated👌🏼 - Don’t let anyone or anything stop you from reaching your goals. Even after mental illness took over my life.. after traumatic events causing me to have PTSD.. after being told that I wouldn’t be a part of the graduating class of 2018.. I did it. I was a graduate of the class of 2018. Nothing stopped me. Don’t let anyone or anything stop you. - #NEDA#StayStrong#YouCanDoThis#AskForHelp
Last year on November 2nd.. I was discharged from Alexian Brothers and on my way to Castlewood Treatment Center the next morning. This was my first day in weeks that I was allowed to walk on my own due to being in a wheelchair and on bed rest. Here I am now back in school full time and working. I am no where near recovery.. I still struggle immensely with food.. and Im not eating nearly as much as I should be.. but Im not just surviving by tube feedings. Im not dependent on a machine to keep me alive. I would like to thank everyone who has been here for me through years of treatment.. but more importantly.. I would like to thank my amazing boyfriend for staying with me through it all.. especially this past year. I am almost a year hospitalization free.. and thats the longest I have gone since the first time I went into treatment. I wouldn’t have been able to do it without his love, care and support. Im starting to get my life together.. And I can’t wait to see things go up from here. - #eatingdisorderrecovery#edrecovery#anorexia#recovery#castlewood#ngtube#staystrong
⚠️UPDATE⚠️ - So Alexian didn't have any adolescent beds open yesterday. They sent me to the ER last night and I have been here since then. They are trying to find placement somewhere. Hopefully they will be able to make some arrangments here so I don't have to be transferred to a different hospital.
Yesterday I had to leave Castlewood Treatment Center. It honestly broke my heart. I was only there for two weeks but I fell in love with it. The peaceful forest. The big beautiful house. The strong people I lived with. The supportive and loving staff. Unfortunately, I was not able to keep up with the rules and programming.. So they discharged me and are sending me to a new residential. The residential is called The Emily Program and its in Minnesota. They do not have a bed open for two to three weeks.. So I am going back inpatient at Alexian Brothers until I am able to go to The Emily Program. On the bright side.. After I finish this program in Minnesota.. I am going back to Missouri to continue my treatment at Castlewood! - These transitions are very hard for me. I am struggling a lot right now and it would be greatly appreciated if you could wish me luck. Hopefully things go as planned and these transitions go smoothly. Thank you for all your support.
At one of my favorite places with one of my favorite people ❤️ I miss TK and my Sisters so much 🌿 Im struggling a lot right now and need you all so much. I still read your notes and go through all my TK stuff and think about you guys every single day. There hasnt been a day since I left that I havent thought about you guys.. Even all of you Oakies and Alumnae.. I may not have known you personally like I did Sequoians.. But I still love, care, and miss you all. Thank you for being the supportive family I have never had. You guys have seen me happy and laughing, sad and crying, angry and yelling, and everything in between. You have seen me at my worst.. And you guys still accept me for who I am without judgement. I hope you all are doing well and staying strong. Im always here for you guys. - "My love's like a star, yeah You can't always see me, But you know that I'm always there" ~My Love is like a Star by Demi Lovato - My treatment sisters and brothers are the closest ones I've got.. And I will never forget you guys. Love you all so much❤️ - Oh and thank you to my bestfriend for being here for me and dealing with all of my shit ❤️ and for taking this picture with me🌿 - I COULDNT TAG EVERYONE ILY ALL - #timberlineknolls#treatment#mentalillness#suicideawareness#mentalhealthadvocate#eatingdisorder#treatmentfamily#demilovato
I thought this was important for everyone to know.. Most of you dont care and probably wont even finish reading this.. But abuse is a very big problem. Right now in this very moment.. Kids are being abused, sexually, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Right now in this very moment, men and women of all ages are being raped. A very high number of abuse victims have thought about suicide. And a good percentage of victims who have thought about suicide have actually attempted it or even commited suicide. If you have ever dealed with any form of abuse.. Dont give up. This is not the end. you are strong and can overcome this. A special person in my life tells me, "Its NOT and never has been your fault", and I want to make that clear.. As hard as it is to believe, Its NOT your fault. I am always here if you need anything. - Something I just learned about called BACA, or Bikers Against Child Abuse, is an organization that make child abuse victims feel safe from their abuser. Please take a minute of your time to watch the link in my bio and see the extent these bikers are willing to go to help these children feel safe. I support and respect this organization so much. Thank you @bikersagainstchildabuseintl for everything you have done for the scared children on this earth.