christina perri (@christinaperri) — the new album, songs for carmella: lullabies and sing-a-longs available now!
i just realized there are about 50 happy photos of me in a row. me & carmella and me & paul and ya know what? i don’t wanna only show that. i mean if i’m being totally honest, carmella does smile 80% of the time- and so does paul lol but i don’t!! especially the past couple weeks weening off breastfeeding i found it extremely difficult to find joy. don’t get me wrong im so grateful to be a mom, to be married and to be working again but let me tell you what i’m having a hard time with because i don’t ever want to seem like i have it all together! i honestly hardly do, & there’s beauty in that. ok, i’m struggling right now with BALANCE & self care. if i could i’d give carmella all 24 of my hours, but i shouldn’t. so i’m having a hard time doing things for me consistently. i’ve been working out a couple times a week for the past couple months & that’s been awesome, but i also struggle with mom guilt. i haven’t been doing a lot of the things i need to do for me to feel ok, so that’s why some days seem so much heavier than others. carmella went from walking to running in one day, so mamas know what that feels like! im lightly terrified every moment she’s awake lol but i feel like that will ebb & flow now for eternity. i’m loving how fun she is. im also loving being creative, practicing piano again everyday, & gearing up for some work/press/travel but i’m also a little sad carmellas already old enough for me to go back to work. that was FAST. she’s so big when she lays across me. i stare at her extra now. also how bittersweet it is for her to not want to hold my hand because she’s so strong & independent. i’m thrilled she’s brave but i’m sad she needs me less. also lastly, i’m having trouble doing things i need to do around the house or in life when she’s asleep, i lay down and totally space out. i want more motivation to do stuff, but sometimes my body is just like nope. so yea, i feel hormonal, guilty, nervous, worrisome, and sad sometimes. sometimes one at a time, sometimes all at once. i’m never not having a big feeling. so there ya go, tired, filter free, in pjs, in bed, almost one year postpartum- that’s me all the moments in between all the smiles💗
there is absolutely no better feeling in the whole world, ever, than your little baby sound asleep on your chest. i’m so lucky i still get moments like these every once in a while. i know they’re almost over. this girl is non. stop. but just when i think she doesn’t want to nap, this happens, and i get the best snuggle on earth.