Bonnie (@bonnie.judge) — Got my fingers crossed on a shooting star 💫 #sepsisrecovery  #septicshocksurvivor. 
I can’t wait to go hiking again. I miss being in the mountains, it’s the best fe
I can’t wait to go hiking again. I miss being in the mountains, it’s the best feeling in the world. I get so calm being one with nature. #utah#beautahful#utahlife#septicshocksurvivor#chronicpain#natureanimals#animals#mymeditation#serenitynow
21.03.2019 02:41:05
So annoyed dealing with this wound and I am to the point where I want to scream.
So annoyed dealing with this wound and I am to the point where I want to scream. My new antibiotics didn’t even help me and they are antibiotics that they use for the plague and anthrax. I am sick to my stomach and throwing up. Throwing up with this wound and having my abs split in half is so painful and I just don’t know how much more I can take . I am supposed to be back to work in exactly two weeks and I have no idea how this will happen. So bye bye health insurance 😭 I guess I will just live in pain and have no meds and no health care and no good doctors and no wound care and just die in my room . #postsepsisrecovery#gettingscrewed#sepsissucks#sepsisrecovery#septicshocksurvivor#pissedoff#sadnessandsorrow
19.03.2019 01:15:24
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My nephew watching UP as he holds his birthday balloons for his 2nd or 3rd birth
My nephew watching UP as he holds his birthday balloons for his 2nd or 3rd birthday gives me so many feelings .This is one of those #picturespeaksathousandwords moment ! When I took this picture years ago I never thought it would mean so much to me still! He is just so sweet and loving and I wish everyone was more like him , TBH I wish I was more like him ! . #findingmynewme#feelinglost#confused#loveofmylife#nephewlove#myartworld#howiseetheworld#howiseemyworld#septicshocksurvivor#innocent#innocenceofachild
15.03.2019 05:39:43
I am having one of those days where I am really missing the person who I was bef
I am having one of those days where I am really missing the person who I was before sepsis took it all away. I don’t recognize myself anymore.(now I am almost bald with brown hair and bad skin ) I’ve become a stranger to myself. I look in the mirror and I don’t see me! My body is so ugly and Deformed with a big ugly wound that I can’t even look at . My attitude has even changed , I was fun and funny and excited for any new adventure but now I am mean and have a “don’t care” attitude! I cry and get angry more than I laugh or smile ! How come every time I am about to get all my shit together something comes and takes it all away? Why is being happy so hard for me ! It’s exhausting trying to be happy ! I never in a million years thought that after having my last surgery (September 2018) that I would end up where I am now! I keep Looking at pictures of myself before I ended up in septic shock and it just pisses me off ! I want to go back and be who I was again ! It just gets frustrating cause I can’t really explain what it feels like and I am really tired of suffering ! #sepsisrecovery#sepsissucks#sepsissurvivor#septicshocksurvivor#chronicpain#lostsoul#misstheoldme#newmesucks#postsepsissyndrome#utahgirl#septicshock#disappointed
07.03.2019 02:37:16
..... Because when you stop and look around , this life is pretty amazing!  Ther
..... Because when you stop and look around , this life is pretty amazing! There is really no time to be bored in a world as beautiful as this . I really enjoyed going camping over the weekend and even got to see a bunch of deer while everyone else got to go on the snowmobile. I am in a lot of pain today even though I didn’t really do anything but stand around . I am just grateful and blessed that I live in this BeaUTAHful state ! I needed to go to the mountains to lose my mind and find my soul. #camping#beautahful#utah#sepsissurvivor#septicshocksurvivor#chronicpain#sepsisrecovery
05.03.2019 02:55:36
Went to a pain management doctor today (he went to east high and I walked in wea
Went to a pain management doctor today (he went to east high and I walked in wearing my highland high hoodie which started our conversation off to a good start lol). My doctor was very nice and sympathetic and very understanding about everything I have gone through. As I was giving him all my symptoms , he tested my right leg and he said I have nerve damage which can be caused by being in the ICU through my nerves and muscles, so he put me on a nerve pain med and wants me to start using a cane to help me do my physical therapy to fix my leg issue! I am so glad I got someone who listened to me and didn’t dismiss me or my pain and actually cared ! I don’t think I could’ve taken another doctor telling me that they don’t know what’s wrong ! So I will take today as a good day !! #chronicpain#postsepsissyndrome#sepsissurvivor#sepsis#septicshocksurvivor#sepsissucks#sepsisrecovery
28.02.2019 19:47:53
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Love that I have no one to go to but myself . I honestly don’t need anyone I gue
Love that I have no one to go to but myself . I honestly don’t need anyone I guess . And I sure as hell don’t need any dumb advice from anyone who doesn’t even know what I am going through . I am sick and tired of being everyone’s punching bag when I am already knocked down as far as I can go ! I have learned that it is during your worst times that you will get to see the true colors of the people who say they care for you ! #postsepsissyndrome#chronicpain#painfulasfuck#allalone#sepsissurvivor#sepsissucks#justmemyselfandi#septicshocksurvivor
28.02.2019 01:21:10
The last thing I need to heal is this wound on my abdomen before I can get my ab
The last thing I need to heal is this wound on my abdomen before I can get my abdominal muscle reconstruction surgery (there is a medical term for it but I can’t remember what it is) ! But my dang inflammation is so bad it’s making this wound get bigger instead of healing and it was so close to being fully closed as you can see in the 1st pic next to the second one , Just makes me so frustrated. I am doing everything right and I don’t know what else to do. Even with all that has happened to me and all that I have overcome I feel so lucky to only have to worry about this wound and my next surgery and to heal from that surgery . 4 months ago I really wasn’t able to do anything , I couldn’t even walk. And 5 months ago I almost died . So my progress is pretty remarkable and I am proud of myself even if no one else is! I really hope no one has to ever go through what I went through so always know the early signs of sepsis #askcanthisbesepsis#sepsisawareness#sepsisrecovery#sepsissucks#septicshocksurvivor#postsepsissyndrome#woundcare#abdomenreconstruction#painfulasfuck#sepsiskills#getaheadofsepsis#stopsepsis#chronicpain#coulditbesepsis#survivingsepsis#knowsepsis
19.02.2019 07:22:39
This is exactly what I needed to read today!  Even yawning hurts me and I have t
This is exactly what I needed to read today! Even yawning hurts me and I have to hug a pillow every time I sneeze, cough or yawn . It’s honestly the weirdest , sharpest pressure pain , I don’t know how else to describe it . Haven’t been on antibiotics now for four days and had my picc line removed as well and it’s nice to finally not have anything connected to me so I can feel a little bit like a human being with no health issues or at least not have people stare at me is a nice feeling . #sepsisawareness#sepsisrecovery#sepsissucks#septicshocksurvivor#sepsissurvivor#woundcare#septicshock#sepsisrecoveryishard#postsepsissyndrome#chronicillness#chronicpain#noabdominalmuscles#beingme#noapologies
19.02.2019 05:49:33
I guess I am a survivor even though I am still healing from it !  I survived but
I guess I am a survivor even though I am still healing from it ! I survived but the fight isn’t over !!! So Let me be angry , let me feel jealous and cheated and let me feel all the horrible feelings that come before acceptance. I am not ready to accept that my life will be full of pain and fatigue . Eventually I will figure Everything out and I will learn to live with it. But right now I am scared and confused and I am angry ! So to all those who are dealing with or will deal with #postsepsissyndrome you are not alone and you are a #sepsissurvivor#sepsisawareness#septicshocksurvivor#sepsissurvivorweek#mystoryofsepsis#sepsissucks#sepsisrecovery
10.02.2019 04:24:24
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Sepsis recovery is rough, When you get an abscess and it has to be drained ! Thi
Sepsis recovery is rough, When you get an abscess and it has to be drained ! This is a painful issue and I have had a lot of abscess drains (JP drains) since October 2018 , thanks to my #sepsis and #septicshock ! Even once I left the hospital and was told that that issue was ok , I got sick again ! I had to spend New Year’s Eve in the hospital and there for two weeks, I honestly didn’t care cause I was so sick I just wanted to feel better , luckily I had a great Nurse for New Years who even went and got non -alcoholic wine to drink at midnight , her kindness made all the horrible thoughts leave my head !!! #sepsis#sepsissurvivor#septicshocksurvivor#almostdied#mystoryofsepsis#sepsissucks#jpdrain#chronicpain
04.02.2019 02:32:33
I have a lot of friends and family right now who don’t understand the pain and d
I have a lot of friends and family right now who don’t understand the pain and depression I am dealing with because of what happened to me! I get told I am overreacting or faking my symptoms that I am still having . No one gets how hard it is to live with #postsepsissyndrome ! I am losing my hair (almost bald) , my picc line is annoying and my sensitive skin doesn’t like it so it creates blisters, I have an abscess drain inserted on the right side of my hip that hurts (this is my 6th #jpdrain since this all happened), I have a big open wound on my abdomen that hurts and makes me walk like a hunchback and it constantly bleeds and I am scared everyday that it’s getting infected , my abdomen muscles were split in half and still need to be connected by a surgeon and it causes horrible pain 24/7 , I have to take antibiotics by IV 4 times a day , my body is in constant pain from inflammation , I have nightmares every night , I don’t like being out in public cause I am scared someone will accidentally hurt my wounds , I have to go to the hospital at least two times every week for my issues and because of all of this I cry about 75% of the time , but no one sees it cause no one is around ! I just wish that my own family and friends would understand how hard this has all been and will continue to be ! Everyday I live in fear that it’s going to all happen again ! So if I have a day where I am angry and upset or do something you don’t like I apologize but I am trying to deal with so much all alone and I am scared out of my mind !!! #sepsissurvivor#survivingsepsis#mystoryofsepsis#septicshocksurvivor#sepsissucks#fuckfakefriends#heartlesspeople#livinginfear#almostdied#venting#dealingwithdifficultpeople#nightmares#postsepsissyndrome#icu#coma#liveinfear#wentthroughhell#wisdomknowledgeunderstandingrespect
02.02.2019 22:15:51
Today is not a good day ! I am at a pain level of 8 out of 10 . I have lost my a
Today is not a good day ! I am at a pain level of 8 out of 10 . I have lost my appetite again and that scares me! I really don’t know how much more of this I can handle ! I have more bad days than good! It’s as if there is no rainbow after the storm . And my health insurance doesn’t want to approve my 39th CT scan and that’s just frustrating cause without it I can’t get my #abscessdrain removed and make sure I have no other internal leakage !!!! #septicshock#survivingsepsis#woundcare#sepsissurvivor#sepsis#mystoryofsepsis#sepsissucks#sepsisrecovery#woundcarelife#painful#pss#postsepsissyndrome
30.01.2019 00:16:38
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Sometimes I miss my old friend the  #woundvac .  It made me feel safe and it was
Sometimes I miss my old friend the #woundvac . It made me feel safe and it was easier to shower, now I get so nervous and my anxiety rises . With out the wound vac I wouldn’t have ever healed as fast as I did ! I still have a way to go but I am super lucky for my wound care doctors and the new technology. I wish I would have listened to my Grandma Judge when I was 17 years old and went into nursing school cause it’s something I would really like to get into now , but I have only learned about these things from my own scary experience! I would just like to help people who have or are in the same place as me ! It sucks to feel alone and that no one understands ! #septicshock#woundcare#survivingsepsis#sepsisawareness#woundcare101#mystoryofsepsis
24.01.2019 17:46:00
Cleaning my wound before my two appointments today. As I was doing it I started
Cleaning my wound before my two appointments today. As I was doing it I started to think about how I don’t even know the right questions to ask and how overwhelmed I am ! This whole surgery gone wrong makes me so mad and depressed! This is how I look now and I am never gonna look how I did ever again , my new way of living is going to be rough!! #septicshock#survivingsepsis#sepsisrecovery#mystoryofsepsis#sepsis#woundcare#splitinhalf#sepsissucks#picc#piccline#mybody#sepsiskills#sepsissurvivor
21.01.2019 18:36:19
I don’t know if it’s the new antibiotics or if I am just getting so sensitive to
I don’t know if it’s the new antibiotics or if I am just getting so sensitive to my picc line tape and all the plastic on my body but I am getting a rash and bumps all over and a sharp pain all on my right side of my body . If I didn’t have two appointments tomorrow at the hospital I would probably go to the ER now ! It’s gonna have to be manageable till then. Can I just fast forward to a date where either I am all better or just dead ? Is that ok? #septicshock#survivingsepsis#thestruggleisreal#sepsisrecovery#sepsissucks#surgerygonewrong#mystoryofsepsis#infusiontherapy#antibiotics#piccline
21.01.2019 04:44:19
Hopefully just 4 more weeks of these!  Since they had to change my antibiotics c
Hopefully just 4 more weeks of these! Since they had to change my antibiotics cause I got an abscess! If I never got that abscess I would have been done already with these antibiotics, which are ruining my skin and making my hair fall out and not to mention these antibiotics smell like pee lol ! But these little IV balls are amazing and do make the process a lot easier during the day , cause I have 4 IV balls a day that I need to connect to my picc line . #septicshock#survivingsepsis#sepsisrecovery#sepsissucks#mystoryofsepsis#ivball#antibiotics#infusiontherapy#meropenem#micafungin#elastomeric#elastomericdevice#piccline#infectiousdisease#sepsissurvivor
20.01.2019 16:21:52
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